165 days to Antarctica..."Fuck You" Lily Allen
Approximately 14 minutes reading time
“Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.” Tryon Edwards
Hello, I hope that you are well and have enjoyed a good week. Thank you for your company once again. This Blog, “Schrodie’s Mummy” is now ranked in Feedspot’s Global Directory Listings as follows: number 16 on Feedspot’s Global Listing of Trauma Blogs to follow in 2021 and number 56 Inspirational Global Blogs to follow in 2021 and number 47 Motivational Blogs to follow in 2021. I am still learning and have not promoted my blog at all. I have started this with no Social Media presence or platform. I am delighted that you are finding me and that my blog seems to be of interest and value to you all. I am immensely happy, proud, grateful and humbled.
It’s cold and wet outside. Schrodie and I managed to squeeze in a lovely walk between rain showers, while the winds had eased slightly. Freezing as the wind was, cutting through me, the sunshine gave a little warmth and as always brought much joy. We met loads of new dogs and people which we both enjoyed.
We have danced to seven songs and played catch and chasings a few times already. I play whenever Schrodie lets me know that it is playtime. It is fun and good for us both. Before the fires started in 2019 Schrodie and I used to do tricks together and play games for his mental stimulation as he is incredibly smart and curious. As I have been unwell and unable to play with him in this way and I worry about him being bored I purchased him an Activity Mat with puzzles to problem solve to get treats. He loves it. He immediately started working out how to get his treats. One at a time, over about two hours he had all his treats. He approached the mat, assessed it and then one by one tried to get his treats. He paused, had a break and reassessed his assignment after he won each treat. I thought he had left it and was sleeping until I got up and went to see him, discovering that he had enjoyed every single treat. He is so funny, hilarious in fact. I am so grateful that he always makes me laugh, that he is such a great character and personality. Most especially I am grateful that he is such good company and looks after me.
You can follow Schrodie on Instagram @iamschrodie and me @schrodiesmummy . There are plenty of adorable photos and videos of Schrodie to look at and keep you entertained. It’s hard for me to take good photos and videos with my slow, still clumsy fingers and hands. Schrodie doesn’t really like having his photo taken. When things start to settle down and we can go home, I will start to post more regularly and consistently.
How quickly Sunday rolls around once more. Spring has sprung and brought with it more joy, hope and optimism for what lies ahead. I most certainly need this recharge to my soul after what has been happening.
Thankfully we laugh and play every day, delighting in each other’s company. How fortunate we are that we have friends and family who love us dearly.
Schrodie’s Birthday is on the 7th and my Darling Boy turns nine. If weather permits we will take an adventure somewhere in our Local Government Authority (LGA) to Celebrate his Birthday. Covid restrictions are in force until the end of October. We are allowed to travel within our LGA or within a radius of five kilometres (5kms) from home. I haven’t decided where we will go to enjoy a walk and play. Somewhere new is definitely the priority for us. Whatever we do, we will have fun, together!
Somehow, throughout this week, I have survived, not easily but still happily. No-one can understand how I can maintain any happiness and laugh constantly dealing with everything that is currently happening in my life. Mostly these challenges are horrendous and an ever growing nightmare, relating to my bushfire rebuild of our new home. My ongoing distress and concern is ever increasing and worsening. I do what I can to deal with these issues and keep things moving so that my priorities are met.
There was some great news this week as I was notified that a reputable law firm has accepted to advise me pro-bono on this ever worsening situation with Masterton Builders. I still have not heard from their Management regarding this unconscionable situation with the retaining wall and the rain water tanks, as well as the other breaches of contract by Masterton, the builder. Still I have not received the Manufacturing and specification details of the rain water tanks that the Site Manager decided were appropriate for my build. He seems to think that only capacity matters and that I should accept his word about the tanks being used and his justification for changing the expensive, custom made tanks I chose and agreed to accept as part of my contract for purchase and installation by Masterton. I have been looking through Government Legislation regarding rainwater tanks in all capacities and have as yet not found any reference to a maximum height for compliance of a water tank, even under the roof, gutters or eaves. I do not believe that there is such a compliance issue. My belief is that the Site Supervisor decided that he would change the tanks for mass produced tanks of the same volume because he wouldn’t need to schedule the five to six week manufacture of the tanks. I am sure that he didn’t want to worry about using water tanks made in Queensland in case of transportation delays due to Covid. I had already assessed this risk and deemed it acceptable as the tanks are also manufactured in New South Wales. I am sure that the Site Manager overlooked this because it was easier for him to do so.
The other factor overlooked by the site manager is that my research into selecting appropriate tanks was arduous and painstaking to meet my objectives, which justified the huge expense and accepting Masterton’s incredible markup which is almost three times what I would have paid to have my local expert installer of choice do the job. I paid Masterton to simplify the process and avoid delays due to access limitations. My objectives which are equally important to me and the basis of my meticulous choices regarding the water tanks were my health and the smallest, least intrusive footprint of the water tanks on my property so that my property was not destroyed and devalued by loss of space, eyesore of tanks and landscaping was as I wanted, to preserve my beautiful yard and its economic value. If it were only a matter of volume, I would have selected the cheapest mass produced water tanks and saved a fortune. The contract, site plan and agreement was that these tanks would run along the boundary fenceline. I did not understand about the retaining wall and this was not explained to me at all. The contract plan show no sectioned yard. Anyway the only retaining wall that would have been necessary was under the fence. The excavation for the slabs was supposed to level out the land, not create an embankment requiring a retaining wall and fencing. This decision was made by the Site Manager without my knowledge or consent. He has destroyed my property with his flippant decision to choose my water tanks on my behalf. Not only that he created the need for additional expenses. As well as taking it upon himself to install a ($9000) retaining wall without my knowledge or consent. They think this is no big deal. My friend yesterday cautioned me about pursuing the Principle in play and weighing up the cost of the retaining wall. To an extent, I agree with her however the disregard for the contract and the fact that the staff created this ever worsening nightmare cannot be overlooked and let go. Fixing these landscaping issues is more than I can afford and not appropriate as this was all created by Masterton staff.
Going back through my correspondence with the woman who was a bully in the pre-construction phase. I found her communication telling me that I could not lay out the tanks as I wanted in the back yard. I was told, and in my compromised state, accepted what I was told. Originally I wanted all four water tanks in a row running along the fenceline from the distance of the house wall to the shed. I was told that there were only eleven metres in total distance and I needed twelve and a half metres to fit all four tanks. So, my second option was that I wanted one water tank running along the four metre (4m) back wall at the side of the house, with the remaining three house tanks in a row, behind it along the fenceline. I was told that the tank couldn’t run along the wall as it would compromise the footings of the house. I was told that there was only eleven metres from the house to the shed where the tanks would go. I needed twelve and a half metres for the four tanks and as such agreed to put one tank in the front yard, near the water bore for the fire-brigade.
Now, I see that this was all untrue. It was bullshit as they wanted to cut costs and lay only one concrete slab for the tanks, regardless of the fact that I’m paying through the nose for what I wanted and not getting what I paid for in the contract. The lie about the footings is beyond belief. I have realised as per my original understanding that their four thousand litre (4000L) and air-conditioning unit are in place along the wall. I believe they misled me on purpose to achieve their desired outcome, more profit. I am glad that I will talk to a lawyer about how best to proceed and not lose or compromise my legal rights for compensation and damages. It’s a good thing that Masterton are honouring their word to “look after me, as a Bushfire victim”. What do they normally do to people if they’re gouging me for money and destroying my property? I wonder if this case of mine would make Jim Masterton, “...a very proud old builder”? their company logo. In case you missed it, this is sarcasm.
My priority is to continue the build so that I can go home, as soon as possible, notwithstanding this travesty with the retaining wall, whilst preserving my legal rights for redress for all that has been done to me. I will withhold going to the media and social media with my story for now.
The stress has caused my shoulders and muscles to cramp up, aggravating my ulnar nerve and creating great pain in my arms, hands and fingers as well as my wrists and shoulders. My neck is always sore as the headaches/migraines are constant. I feel it start. The discomfort in my feet is improving and ever changing. I pray that this is all due to the nerves improving. I have restarting taking my multi B vitamin supplements and perhaps this is why I think I’m feeling better at times. The angst has been causing me nausea and vomiting which is always unpleasant and distressing. My sugars are volatile and drop dangerously because of the stress. I manage this and avoid critical situations, thankfully. I am cutting back on junk food as I don’t want to end up looking like the side of a barn.
Poor Schrodie has
been feeling my fury and outrage over everything that has happened and is
happening with the builders. He has thought that I am cross with him. He has
been fleeing to hide in the bathroom. As soon as I realised this I coaxed him
back out with as many cuddles and kisses and as much love and gentle words as I
had so that he knew that he was not the cause of my anger and upset. This
saddened me greatly. He is reassured and all is well again. Of all the
emotions, Anger is not one which I have ever really felt. I usually store it
subconsciously and feel the underlying hurt. This was highlighted to me by
Teresa, an amazing Doctor and Chinese trained Herbalist, Acupuncturist and
Healer I had seen many years ago after meeting her on a train ten years
earlier. Teresa was in her seventies and was about four feet five inches tall
and amazing, a true powerhouse. Teresa told me to go outside, in a field or
open space and yell at the top of my lungs “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” as long as I
needed and regularly to honour and release the anger so it did not stay stored
in my body and turn into illness and malady which was how it presented itself
in my life up until that point in my life.
Johnny and I are spending time together but I have not played my guitar for a couple of days so as not to aggravate my muscles and nerves. The C Major Chord and I are becoming friends. The inconsistency of playing to avoid problems in my arms, hands and fingers has had a dire and disappointing impact on my playing. I’m doing extra practice whenever I have time.
On Thursday I got a text message about my Medicare card being in the mail box. There were initials in place of a name or signature. I did not recognise these and wondered if it was from the Police but they didn’t match Police titles. I didn’t understand the message and thought it related to my home. We don’t have a mailbox but an envelope in a pigeon hole at the local shop and Post Office so the message didn’t make sense. I went and checked the mail box and there at the bottom was my Medicare card as the text said. I sent a reply message thanking them and telling them that I didn’t know who they were or how they got my card but that I was grateful for their efforts and care. When the reply came it was from my real estate agent who had seen my card posted on Facebook. She had claimed it and delivered it to me. I was horrified as I learned that my personal details had been plastered all over Facebook. I was stunned that she had thought of me and identified the card as mine. I was so deeply touched that she claimed my card on my behalf and delivered it to me. What a fabulous and wonderful thing to happen. What a wonderful woman! Lucky me!
It is almost time to eat. I had a great appointment with my Dietician this week. Apparently the PTSD is affecting me more than I thought. Apparently I’m still not eating carbs and I misunderstood that avocados are carbohydrates, they are not. I had baked beans with Swiss cheese on toast, two slices, this morning. I’m getting hungry and might make a scrambled eggs with toast. I wish I had parsley to garnish my eggs. At home I grow parsley so it’s never an issue. It’s quick, easy, cheap, simple, healthy and nutritious. Two slices of light rye toast will give me my two carbohydrate counts which is most important. It will be almost completely fat free and delicious. My Dietician told me that I must always eat my carbohydrates first as I eat so little food. I don’t enjoy eating this way. For my Diabetes, the carbohydrates are critical to stabilize my blood sugar. So, I will have my scrambled eggs on toast and be sure that I eat my complete meal, or try to as best as possible.
I read a tragic and heartbreaking story on the internet about a man who committed suicide in America, it could have been anywhere, by jumping off a bridge. The Police found his Suicide Note. In his note he said that if one person smiles at him or says hello while he is walking to the bridge to die, he will not jump. I wept and still do at this unnecessary loss.
I was still a child when I realised that my words and actions affect and effect others as theirs do me. I don’t know where they are in life, or what they are feeling or dealing with and that my interaction, if inappropriate or unkind, might be the last straw that pushes them over the edge. It ALWAYS matters, how you treat other people. How you feel is NEVER a justification for poor behaviour. There are ALWAYS consequences to our actions, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant. I believe in living consciously, always have because I know that it ALWAYS matters and there are NEVER any excuses for anything less. How simple is it to smile at someone or say hello as you cross each other’s paths. Now when everyone is feeling heightened isolation, loneliness, uncertainty and fear, it matters more than ever. Even if you want to be selfish, know that such simple gestures will also make you feel better. Please don’t let this happen again. Please smile at a Stranger, say Hello. You will feel better and you might just save someone with a little humanity. We don’t live alone in this world. We are all connected and affect each other all the time, consciously or not. Every Life Matters. Every Soul Matters. Who knows, you might just meet someone who changes you life, for the better. This has happened to me.
Notwithstanding this, we each need to protect ourselves in this harsh and often horrible, grim world. Learning how to look after and protect yourself matters just as much as being kind. Kindness is a choice I always make but it doesn’t mean that I’m a doormat for anyone. I’m nobody’s Patsy and don’t you be either. To this end, I tell you that two of the most powerful and important words that I ever learned are “Fuck You!” I was raised to always be polite, which I always am. I was raised not to swear. I learned to swear like a truck driver when I started working with men. When I’m angry I swear. Whenever anyone tries to play me, undermine me, limit me, usurp my power, control me, tell me that I can’t do something or test me or do anything else negative towards me my initial response is always, “FUCK YOU!” “WATCH ME! ” It’s rare for me to vocalize this but it is what I think and my natural response. After all the goings on and people trying to manipulate and take advantage of me since I lost everything in the Morton Bushfire last January all I think now is “FUCK YOU!” No matter the reason, sometimes this is the only apt and appropriate response in life. I know that I am better and stronger since this hellish nightmare started because my Warrior Spirit is back in full force. I am me, once again and I’ll be damned if any bastard will beat me down or stomp on me, walk all over me. “FUCK YOU!” The cost to me dealing with everything is great as are the challenges. I’m exhausted, burnt out. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep, even with medication. I cannot stay awake easily. This changes nothing. “FUCK YOU!” Teresa, I am always grateful to you! Thank you Teresa! To all you who are trying to take advantage of me “FUCK YOU!”. This is how I have been feeling. This is how I feel. This is why Lily Allen’s lovely little song “Fuck You!” is this weeks song of the week. Her delivery is fabulous. I often tell people, whenever and wherever necessary, to Fuck Off! But not in these words. I like to use the English language which I love in playful ways to deliver such a message. I only ever do it politely, never angrily, rudely. I hope that this song makes you smile and makes you feel better.
Mummy taught me when I was a little girl, that you can say anything to 0anyone and what matters is that you are always polite and kind, the delivery ALWAYS matters. Tell someone a terrible thing in a kind, gracious and generous way they will be alright, even if upset or angry. It is the only way for me, Always!
Antarctica is so uncertain at this stage given the Covid-19 situation across the world. I have no idea if I am strong enough to survive the voyage or experience yet. I have not yet been able to attempt any Kayak training. I remain hopeful that this trip will proceed as planned, even though I have so much to do in readiness for my Adventure. My departure date creeps ever closer.
Thanks for joining me this week. I hope that you leave feeling a little better than you arrived. I hope that my pages and posts help inspire you, interest you in some way. I’m sharing my inspirations and interests with you in the hope that they may help, inspire and interest you as well. Most especially now, when many of us are in lock down. Please refer anyone you think might benefit or be interested in my blog to visit us at Schrodie’s Mummy. If you have any specific questions, please ask.
As always, take care and stay safe. Do one little thing everyday that makes you happy. Please don’t give in to fear, not matter how hard it seems. Be kind to yourselves and each other. Most importantly have fun every day and laugh every day, wherever possible. I’m going to indulge in watching some more Midsomer Murders, which I love.
Bye for now. As always, I will post new pages on Wednesday and Friday with my regular Sunday post.
Watch this space....