123 days to Antarctica..."Pleasure & Pain" The Divinyls
Approximately six minutes reading time
"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."
Hello, thanks for joining me again. I hope that all is well with you and that your week has been a good one.
I’m sorry for the late post. I forgot to upload it, even though it was written, as I have so much going on.
On my way to see my house the other day, I saw an Echidna in front of me on the highway and it waddled slowly to the edge of the road onto the shoulder. I prayed it got there safely. My heart soared as I watched it reach safety. I hoped that it felt satisfied in the verge and enjoyed it’s time whilst having a good meal. My instinct said that it was headed across the next stretch of highway, with cars travelling towards Sydney and this was dangerous for this little, rare creature. I hoped that it survived it’s journey. In the meantime, I was happy that it was safe. A couple of hours later, upon my return trip, as I neared the spot of the Echidna crossing, I prayed that the Echidna was nowhere in site. My heart sank as I saw its little body strewn all over the highway and I cried. If only someone had cared enough for its little life and soul to slow down or gently swerve to miss it but they did not. I realised that I currently felt like that little Echidna. The miserable, gloomy, dark and cloudy skies did not help and mirrored my internal landscape. It has been constantly raining and cold. Although only about six weeks from Summertime, it has been feeling like Wintertime once again. Dark and stormy skies and weather have prevailed again lately. I am waiting and longing for the brightness and warmth of the sun. I look forward to playing in the sunshine when this bleakness and gloom is all behind me and just a memory.
My current temptation is to give in to exhaustion and despair. I feel like flotsam and jetsam tossed violently across the wild, stormy and ferocious, open Ocean. I have no control over the things that matter most to me at this time in my life, like when Schrodie and I can return home.
I have been feeling so exhausted and like it would be a relief to lie down, close my eyes and not wake up. I am a too wounded and too battle weary warrior waiting for a rest from this nightmare. Despair abounds as there are ever increasing problems, delays and breaches to my contract through my bushfire rebuild. Going home seems like a far off dream and homelessness is a reality which I must avoid at all costs, particularly as it’s very real threat that looms in my very near future. The worst part is that everything is out of my control. This has all made me so unwell. As the situation continually deteriorates it seems that my light is only flickering. I so, hope that the clouds move quickly. This is all too much to bear.
“It’s a fine line between pleasure and pain” as the Divinyls sing in this great Aussie rock song. I falter over this line constantly. The pain side currently seems to pull with more gravity. The Divinyls were a great live band as well. The laws of Physics and the universe dictate that one cannot live without the other. There can be no pleasure in life without pain. The late great Chrissy Amphlett was an Australian Music Icon. Chrissy was the cousin of Australian Music Legend from the 1960’s, Little Pattie. This song always comes to mind as I struggle not to be consumed with despair. My life is and has always been filled with so much pleasure and pain, even now. I love this song and it makes me feel better, it reassures me and reminds me of this tentative balance and it’s a great energy kick as well, which is always welcome in my life. I really hope that you enjoy this great song. What I have learned about life, is that there is no pleasure without pain. Pain is the price I have always paid for pleasure. Without pain there can be no pleasure. These are the laws of the Universe and the laws of physics. This is the law of thermodynamics in action. Energy is neither created nor destroyed.
As far as my home build, the new Site Supervisor is trying to fix the issues and problems, to his credit. Happily my bushfire rebuild is finally starting to progress, even if strewn with problems. The stress is still too much and my bleeding heart is now extended to my bleeding eye. I look like I have been bitten by a Vampire and I am in the transition to Vampire phase. Eating and sleeping are mostly memories as I cannot comfortably or regularly achieve either. My blood sugar levels are erratic and mostly high as a direct result of the stress. The progress on my home is the only positive and I pray that I am home by the end of December. Builders stop work in December until mid to late January which is looming disaster for me. Nevertheless I take one day at a time, one step at a time and one breath at a time, not easily.
Gratefully Schrodie and I walk about an hour a day which fills us with joy. The perfumed Spring air is a delight to our senses as are the flowers and blooms that abound, everywhere. I push through my pain, which is so worthwhile. We play and dance every day. Schrodie makes me laugh every day. More than anything Schrodie loves going and being home. He knows that it’s different but that it’s home. This fills me with joy. We delight in the company of our friends and Schrodie talks to them, even when he hears their voices on the phone. Finally we are free from lockdowns although we cannot travel outside of our Local Government Area (LGA) so travel between Regional New South Wales (NSW) and Sydney is not allowed. I am relieved that I did not really suffer any serious side-effects from the Pfizer Vaccination. Being double vaccinated means greater freedoms, thankfully. What a crazy time and world we are living through.
International flights are being scheduled to restart in November. Whether or not this means that my Antarctica trip will proceed as scheduled, I do not know. Now there is the added complication of when my bushfire rebuild will be complete and we can return home. I really hope and pray that these schedules do not overlap as this will be terribly problematic and potentially disastrous for me with an enormous financial burden resulting. I am trying to ignore this sense of foreboding and impending doom. Hopefully everything will be okay. Nevertheless I will be so unprepared for my Antarctica trip. I am flat out everyday with so much to do and not just with my bushfire rebuild. Daily trips to my home to check on the build as I have lost all faith in their abilities to do their job and honour and comply with the contract do not help with my schedule. There are simply not enough hours in the day. Training for Antarctica is uncertain, especially for the Kayaking component and this concerns me. Regardless, I will complete my adventure as scheduled and hope that I am strong enough to endure the harsh realities of my upcoming adventure. I do not yet have appropriate gear for my trip. Time is of the essence and running out. I do what I can and surrender the rest to the Universe and The Fates. Nevertheless I am excited about my trip and hope that I make it back home. Lately I have been thinking about so many trips that I want to take, hopefully one a year. Securing finances will be critical and with an uncertain future worth pondering my options, as I always am. It’s not the first time I have been faced with uncertainty and a vulnerable future but I hope that this is the last time.
I am dry frying a T-Bone steak to enjoy with mixed boiled vegetables and mashed potato. I hope that I can eat it, although I expect this might become two meals. Rump steak is my favourite but I love a good T-Bone steak and craved one for months before I could enjoy one. I enjoy my meat well-cooked, sans blood but as this is too often interpreted as charcoaled and still bleeding, to avoid this, I order it cooked medium-well when I am out.
Please take care, stay happy and well. Do one thing every day that scares you and one thing every day that brings you joy, no matter how small. These are not dependent on spending money. If you can’t think of anything immediately, invest the time to consider what these two things might be for you. Perhaps enjoying some time in nature, spending time whether in person or via the phone, with someone you like, listening to music, watching a film, playing with your animal companion. Most importantly have Fun! Every single day.
As always, I hope that you leave Schrodie’s Mummy feeling a little better, happier than when you arrived. I hope that me sharing my crazy journey fraught with challenges, adversity, despair and triumph helps you, inspires you with your own journey. So, above all else, press on and remember your Goal(s). Please read my other posts and pages and I hope that these too help and inspire you as they have me and others. Please feel free to direct anyone you think might benefit from joining us, here to Schrodie’s Mummy. I wish you a happy week ahead and look forward to your company again soon. My aim is to continue to post every Sunday or as close to as possible, with pages on Wednesday and Friday.
Bye for now.
Watch this space...